Pick Me Up
by cacatuidae
Summary: Oneshot. Kanji and Naoto have a talk.


Naoto sat down on the park bench and dragged out a sigh. Kanji eyed them carefully, looking for any kind of signal that maybe they wanted to be left alone. There was a long pause where he let his uncertainty linger. Kanji took a seat next to Naoto and waited for anything that would tell him that was the right choice. Naoto didn't move. Kanji took a deep breath and spoke, "Do..." he trailed off for a moment to think of exactly what would be appropriate to say, "Do you want to talk about anything?" Kanji wasn't the best with words, and it was pretty obvious, but the concern was there and Naoto knew that he was worried for them.

"I thought maybe I didn't- but, Kanji, I trust you." With this, Naoto looked up to Kanji with an almost pleading kind of look. Kanji was moved by the words 'I trust you.' He could tell that what Naoto was about to say was huge, and he had to listen and act carefully.

He took a small moment to calm his heartbeat and spoke again, "I'm listening."

Naoto fiddled with their fingers as they began, "I've been thinking a lot lately..." they paused, obviously anxious about what they wanted to say, "that maybe- maybe I'm not being as honest with myself as I'd like." The last bit was very rushed and Naoto's face was turning red from the embarrassment of finally saying exactly what it is they didn't want to admit to themself, or anyone, really. As Naoto stayed silent, Kanji realized that he needed to give Naoto support.

"Go on," he encouraged, "You can tell me. But, you don't have to if you don't want to." Kanji wasn't sure what else to say, but was hoping that with what little he could say, he could calm them.

"Thank you, Kanji. I've just- I don't know. I've felt lately that ever since the others found out that I was actually a girl, I've been thinking more, about if that's really true." Naoto had begun shaking a little and upon closer inspection, Kanji could see they were were fighting back tears. He acted without thinking and put his hand around them for comfort. Kanji quickly realized he had not asked permission and pulled back.

"I'm so fucking sorry I didn't ask I'm-"

Naoto sniffled, "It's fine. I would actually appreciate it right now, if you don't mind." Kanji was a little stunned that the usually distant Naoto was asking for contact, but he didn't question it and pulled his arm back around them again.

"So... what did you mean? By saying you were wondering if that was true or not, that is."

"I don't-" Naoto cut themself off to think of a good way to word it, "I don't _feel_ like a girl. It's not just because I don't want to act like the typical idea of a 'girl'. It's hard to describe and I can't really put it into words but- saying I'm a girl just doesn't feel **right**." Naoto's face was bent up in frustration and sadness. Kanji could tell that right now they were very lost and confused, and he was deterimined to be there for them in any way he could.

"How..." Kanji wasn't sure if this was okay to ask, but pressed on, "How long have you felt like this?" He was very concerned about how long Naoto had kept these feelings bottled up.

Naoto scoffed, "Pretty much ever since we fought my Shadow. I'm sorry if you feel like I was keeping a secret from you. It was just something I needed to sort out for myself, and if I'm being completely honest, I still haven't figured it out. I'm a good detective when it comes to solving other people's mysteries, but I can't figure a single thing out about myself." They started to laugh as tears streamed down their face and Kanji couldn't do anything but feel helpless in this situation. This was beyond anything he could help with, but he still wanted to find some way to be useful.

Kanji suddenly stood up and took Naoto by the shoulders. Naoto looked up at him with wide, questioning eyes. "Listen to me, Naoto. Even if- even if you're unsure of yourself right now, one day you're gonna find yourself and no matter who you turn out to be, I'm gonna accept it! Even if you turned out to be some kind of evil villain or something, I'd still be by your side because you're my friend! And maybe it's not a smart decision to stick by a bad guy, but if somebody is truly your friend, I think that they'll stay by your side no matter what. I know I'm not always the best at putting stuff into words, but I just need you to know that everything's gonna be alright, okay, Naoto? Fuck, I just care about you too much to let you think you're worthless for not being able to solve one measly case. This is your first toughie as an ace detective, right? 'The tougher the challenge, the better your improvement once it's all over'- or something like that. So, please, stop looking so sad and feel better already, alright?" Naoto blinked a couple times as Kanji had to pull away to control his breathing after that mouthful.

"Kanji, I-" Naoto stopped to sniffle and smiled as they continued, "Kanji I'm so glad that you- you-" Naoto started crying uncontrollably, fortunately with happy tears this time.

"H-hey, don't go crying again! You just stopped!"

"I know," they hiccuped, "but I'm just so happy!" Kanji sat back down and patted Naoto on the back gently. Naoto looked to Kanji with an innocent and questioning face, "Hey, Kanji, do you think it'd be possible for you... to try referring to me as a guy? I mean- I'm still not sure if I _am_ a guy or not, but, I definitely want to try it out! Like- saying things like 'he' and 'him', you can do that for me, can't you?"

"Of course I can! I might slip up sometimes, but I'll try my damnedest to keep my bestfriend happy," Kanji gave Naoto an encouraging pat on the back and then pulled away, suddenly looking a bit embarrassed, "But, hey, I got one thing I wanted to ask about while we're still on the topic."

Naoto looked puzzzled, "What is it?"

"I, uh, I been thinking, too. Not about gender stuff- uh, well- sorta? It does relate to this a little which is why I wanted to bring it up now and-" Kanji kept fumbling over his words, "I-I'll come out and say it- I think that I really am into guys and if it's true that you're a dude then I'm definitely gay for you! Or- uh, in love with you. I meant to say 'in love with you.' Oh man, I really messed that up..." Kanji's face was beet-red as he watched Naoto's face for a reaction. His face looked surprised, but he didn't seem angry or upset with him.

"Kanji, I had no idea you felt that way towards me... I guess we both have had trouble finding ourselves, huh? Well, maybe I wouldn't mind if we... tried finding ourselves together?" Naoto shrunk a bit in his seat with embarrassment and looked up at Kanji for a reply.

"Oh, wow, um- Yeah! I'd really love that. Wow, fuck, I just- I didn't think you'd-" Kanji ran his hand through his hair and let out a sigh of relief. "I really didn't think you'd feel the same or anything like that."

"Life can surprise you sometimes," Naoto closed his eyes a moment then stood up, "I don't know about you, but I could use a 'pick-me-up.' How about we get some ice-cream or something?"


End file.
